Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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