im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
