She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
