If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
