I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
