Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
