how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I did not marry a roomba.
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