I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone threw a dead crab at me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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