Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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