Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
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Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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