wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
