she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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