i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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