Moan for me like Helen Keller
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
