my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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