dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
