Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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