great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
