I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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