i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
