A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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