marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sext me about skeletons
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
