Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You ate ashes out of my bong
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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