I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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