tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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