i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
