rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
