Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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