i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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