I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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