You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
People in love make me want to vomit
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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