Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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