Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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