I'm going to jail i love you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
