why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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