i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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