If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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