I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
