my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
