I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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