11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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