Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We need to get me chipped asap
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
that is very illegal...i love you.
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