you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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