This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
