Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
