dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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