I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
