Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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