mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
