and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
