that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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