you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
