we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
