i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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