Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
