sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
as a side note pls kill me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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