there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
